Melissa (corazon_perdido) wrote in the_outlaws,
Melissa
corazon_perdido
the_outlaws

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*Taken from my personal journal*

As of late, my life has been one big ball of turbulent emotions.

So many things are going on, and so many things are going right and wrong, and everything is good and bad, it's just....

So David's family hates me. I mean, I knew this before, but now it's not just something we pretend and dance around. About two weeks ago I got bitched at by his sister for no reason at all, except for that fact that she's a close-minded bitch and has chose to make up facts and believe me to be some person I'm not. She bitched at me until I cried, and finally I could not hold it in anymore, so I told her I knew her and her fucking family didn't like me, and I left.

I'm never going back to that house. Never.

And I never want a relationship with her or any of her family. I mean, it's not just Carmen. It's the whole lot of them. They all hate me. People ask me why, and I'm still not sure myself. But it's true, and I'm just tired of pretending like I don't know, and that everyone wants me around, because they don't.

That night when Carmen verbally attacked me was make or break time, and the only person who called to check if I was okay was David's brother, Tony. He is the only one who cares and he told David to make sure that I knew that he liked me and considered me family. Even though everyone in his family knew what happened, no one else called to make sure I was okay or anything. It's because they are on Carmen's side and they're just waiting for the day that David and I break up.

I can't say that it's not upsetting, because well it is. I never thought I was going to be the girlfriend that was hated. I mean how evil can I be? I wear pink and stripes for Christ's sake. They all believe that I'm trying to take David away from the family, and I'm trying to make him choose between me or them. I never wanted him to choose between his family and I. I just wanted to be a part of his family. Well, that wish will never come true. And I don't think I want it too anyways.

His family is Catholic, but they are super judgmental and critical. I just can't be around people who aren't going to accept me for me. Being fake and pretending you care isn't cutting it anymore. I really did try. But how long must I try before I realize that this is a losing battle and I don't need to subject myself to this torture anymore when they themselves are not putting in any effort at all?

Fuck.

Right now David and the lot of them are on a family trip. Since it's a family trip, I didn't go, cuz I'm not part of the family and I never will be. The sad thing is I really wanted to go. This is the last time people are going to be able to spend time with David's brother, Tony, before he has to go back to Iraq for another 6 months to a year. I really wanted to spend that time with him. But like I said, it's a family trip, and I'm not family. He did tell David that he wanted me to go, but seeing as this tiff with his sister and I is fairly recent I didn't really feel comfortable going.

It just sucks cuz I'm going through all this bullshit drama with people who are so many more years my senior, but act like they're seniors in highschool. This is just the most ridiculous ordeal I've ever been through. I don't even really want to "fix" this anymore. Apparently now David's parents want to try and make things better now. Uhm, hello, David and I have been together for 1 year and 8 months and now you want to try? I'm sorry, but this is just way too little way too late. Now they say that I am "welcome" in their home. Those are just words though. And words mean nothing without actions to support them. I'm not even sure I want to give them another chance and try to build some sort of relationship with them. It's like now that they're good and ready, now they want to accept me? Well, sorry you are far too many months late. As for his sister? Well, I'm never going to like her and we're never going to get along. I will be cordial to her, out of sake for David and her children whom I love dearly, but it is no way shape or form for her sake. I hate her and she hates me, and I'm not going to pretend we're going to be best friends cuz we never will be.

I'm quite certain that David's family and I will never have a good relationship, and that's not really okay with me, but what am I gonna do? Beg them to be nice to me? Beg them to acknowledge my presence when I attend family events? There's nothing to do. I've been myself, and I've tried, but they don't want to try and quite frankly I don't want to try anymore. I've wasted too much energy into this, and I'm trying not to anymore, but it's been a dominant presence in my mind for the last 2 weeks. And it's just ever more prominent when I know they are out there, having fun as a family and not even caring where the fuck I am, or how I'm doing. Blarg.

I'm just an emotional mess right now, but I'm feeling better because David called me and said that he missed me. No matter what, I know David loves me, and though this is hard on me, his love will get me through. Because in the end all that matters is that we love each other and no matter how much hate is thrown at us, our love is stronger than that, and no one will be able to break us apart. I take comfort in that.

Here are some notes that might help you understand my story a bit better.

Notes

- David is my boyfriend/fiance who I've been together with for 1 year and 8 months.

- Camen is his sister who is in her 30s.

- Tony is David's younger brother, he is 21.

- I am 19 years old.

- David is 23 years old.
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